After every storm comes a…

I tested early, about three days before my next period. I had woken up feeling off colour and I just felt different. We had been trying for a baby for six months now.

I was excited as I knew I had to be pregnant. I got an internet cheapie test out the bathroom cabinet and took the test. I left it by the sink and toddled off to occupy myself for fifteen minutes. I knew I didn’t have to wait that long but I wanted to wait – maybe as though waiting longer might make it a positive?

I was home alone and taking deep breaths. I returned to the bathroom and fixed my eyes upon the test. Two little lines, one neutral, one green – it was positive. I WAS pregnant!

But wait…maybe it’s wrong? I need to go get my proper test, the First Response one, the 99% accurate one, the one which cost me a tenner.

Yes, we TTC women are armed with pregnancy tests, hidden away from our partners but they are there – in the knicker draw, in a shoebox at the back of a wardrobe, hidden in a sports bag inside a zip compartment.

I took the dog out for a long walk. I remember feeling like I was walking on air, taking notice of everything in my view – the trees, the birdsong and moving clouds. I was soaking the feeling up. I was feeling like I had won the lottery. I wanted to savour every second.

It lasted about an hour until the anxiety kicked in. I placed a hand on my tummy – there was life in there, a new life. A precious delicate life, my second chance. I started to walk a little slower – I have to be careful from now on, I told myself. I can’t lose this one.

TTC like a madwoman!

We decided to wait around two months before TTC again. Midwives advise to wait till after your first period, but that’s purely for dating purposes. Though it’s important to ask yourself if you feel emotionally ready too.

My first period came in August sometime, around six weeks after TFMR – it was quite tricky to tell as I was bleeding (very lightly) for around that time (due to the TFMR).  Although a painful reminder, I was definitely no longer pregnant and the baby was gone, it marked a new beginning – to try again.

I was like a woman possessed. I’ve always been pretty determined when it came to a challenge and this to me was in mother natures control, so I had to try to give her a helping hand.

The Babycentre TTC forum was a great help and I signed up to the train each month. I had my ‘cycles’ app from last time so I could see when my fertile windows were. I was taking my conception vitamins and eating pineapples cores (yuk!) and generally trying to be healthy.

I was going to get pregnant in the first month for sure. Why wouldn’t I? I did the first time round.

Nope. Month after month still no pregnancy…it did get me down. I started to panic – what if the TFMR had damaged me in some way? Maybe an infection went unnoticed?? Maybe that was my only chance – my one chance?

Everything plays round and round in your mind – all negative. But I kept going as it was the only way.

Six months later, I had my first sign – nausea upon waking. It was before my period was due, but I grabbed my internet cheapie pregnancy test and waited…tick tock, tick tock – there she blows. My little positive line 🙂

(I believe the Sperm Meets Egg Plan worked for me).