You find yourself wanting to NEVER say the words, “I’m pregnant”, in fear that it might just disappear at the click of a finger. That if you keep it a secret, you can keep it safe and not expose it to the cruelties of the world. Nothing can happen to it if no one knows about it.
The early days, before the twelve week scan, were the most anxious (of course). I expected to miscarry – I was down on my luck with what happened last time and it wasn’t going to happen for me (having a baby). Every toilet visit I was seeking out a blood stain and every twinge or cramp I thought, ‘This is it’. I was waiting for something bad to happen, that way when it did, I had already softened the blow by thinking the inevitable.
The morning of the first scan was a sickening experience. I thought back to last time – all the complications and tests, whispering doctors and the flicker of uncertainty in the air. Of course, I knew I would be high risk again, because of last time, so at least I knew that for sure.
The twelve week scan is the first hurdle. It’s not pleasant but it has to be done and there is absolutely every chance everything is fine. It’s so easy to say that and so easy to not feel it after a TFMR pregnancy but you have to think – what else can I do? I want a baby and this is the only way to it.
Right through to the twenty week scan, all my tests came back fine and I was fortunate to have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I was anxious through the whole thing but I found once I started telling people, I relaxed and enjoyed my pregnancy.
So apart from relaxing, how did I cope? KEEP BUSY.
I would advise anyone who is nervous and terrified in their new pregnancy to take on a new challenge – learn a new language, begin an evening course, join a local pilates or yoga class, practise Mindfulness or even take up knitting (cute booties right?)
My husband and I were renovating a house right through to when our Rainbow arrived. My days were filled with stripping and painting, queuing up in Screwfix, and tirelessly cleaning – dealing with having no kitchen for a whole summer! I was so busy and tired, my mind didn’t have time to think negative thoughts or ‘what if’s’. They saying is true, ‘The devil makes work for idle hands’.